Do you have Cinderella Syndrome?

Why dropping the princess act will change your life for the better. Seriously.

Blame it on Mary. Or maybe it's Paris Hilton's fault. Whatever started it, it seems like you can't step sideways these days without bumping into someone who reckons she's a princess.

We’ve all met them. The trio of clones who strut through your local Westfield in matching diamante t-shirts (with the word “princess” written on them, natch) and Olsen twin sunnies. She’s the girl who’s convinced she can’t be happy unless she has a boyfriend, and the girl who makes her boyfriend run off buy her lunch while she giggles with her friends and rolls her eyes. She’s the girl who won’t play paintball in case she gets sweaty and the girl who hogs the bathroom because she’s busy reapplying extra layers of mascara.

And hey; if you’re honest, you’ve probably been one of those girls yourself, if only momentarily. Most of us have. So, what gives?

Attack of the tiaras

Once upon a time (okay, bad pun, we know), being a princess was a fairly placid affair. It involved sitting prettily, drinking tea and waiting for a prince to knock on the castle door (or, in the case of Sleeping Beauty, snoozing the years away until he rescues you).

These days, being a princess is less about royal lineage than it is about attitude. It doesn’t even need to involve having a crown on your head. Being a princess about glamour, entitlement and refusing to settle for second best. The modern princess wannabe is inspired as much by Paris Hilton as she is by Princess Mary. As Paris herself says, “You don’t have to be an heiress to look like one, if you act like one then everyone will just presume you are one.”

But what all princesses – whether they’re wide-eyed Marissas or feisty Summers - have in common is that their whole world revolves around (you guessed it!) themselves. Which is great fun if you’re the princess, but not so fun if you’re one of her many loyal subjects.

Princess appeal

But that’s all part of the appeal. Princesses are special, and to be a self-declared princess is to make a public statement about your specialness. In the modern fairytale, princesses are also people who get what they want, when they want it – the boy, the clothes, the gaggle of adoring friends - whether it comes to them by seemingly divine will, or by scratching and clawing for it like a Persian cat.

Part of the appeal of princessdom is that you’re in control. You always get what you want and everyone around you exists only to help you get it. But the flipside is if other people are doing everything for you – from your boyfriend showering you with gifts to your parents handing over their credit card – you’re not really doing anything yourself. Like Sleeping Beauty, you’re just sitting there waiting for things to happen. So when your loyal subjects eventually grow tired of the self-centred act (and they will), what will you have left to offer the world? Fabulous shoes?

A royal pain in the...

In Material Girls, Hilary and Haylie Duff play the Marchetta sisters, modern day princesses of Hilton-like proportions. Tanzie and Ava Marchetta live a fairytale existence, with glam parties, fancy clothes, adoring friends and their faces plastered on billboards all over LA. But the moment the fairytale starts to crack, they aren’t so popular. And it turns out the people living outside their glamorous bubble don’t like the Marchetta sisters much at all – not because they’re rich or pretty, but because they’re incredibly self-centred.

The same goes for other modern day princesses. It’s one thing to go after you want, but it’s another to expect others to neglect their own needs and wants to give it to you. Being a princess can mean avoiding taking responsibility for your own actions, or being so absorbed in what you want that you forget to think about anyone else. This type of behaviour could leave you lonely as Scrooge at Christmas. Time for some princess therapy…

Bye bye, Cinders...

If you find yourself acting like a princess on occasions, how do you find the right balance between loving yourself and appreciating others? Or between going after the things you want and acting like a spoiled… princess?

It helps to think about why you’re acting like a princess in the first place. Do you tell everyone how fantastic you are because you’re scared they won’t notice otherwise? Are you obsessed with wearing lipgloss because you can’t stand the way you look without it? Do you love the sense of power you get when people do what you ask them to, or are you scared to give those things a go yourself?

It also helps to know where you end and others begin. Yes, you’re awesome (really!), but that doesn’t mean the world revolves around you. If you have a fight with your best friend, accept her apology (or try apologising yourself). If your boyfriend is a good guy who just happens to act like, well, a guy occasionally (and by this we mean not being 100 per cent soppy 100 per cent of the time - not cheating or being abusive), don’t stomp your feet and demand he treats you like the princess you are. Show people how great you are rather than telling them.

The best part about dropping the princess act is that extra touch of humility will only make you more fabulous, and treating the people around you the way they deserve to be will make your relationships stronger. After all, who doesn’t prefer the smart and sweet Hilary Duff to the spoilt and superficial Tanzie Marchetta?

6 signs you’ve taken the princess act too far

- When your English teacher asks you to help rearrange the desks for a class activity, you refuse because you don’t want to break a nail.
- You always make guys pay for you on dates.
- You won’t leave the house without a coat of lipgloss – not even to check the mail.
- Your motto is “I’m faaaaabulous darling!” – and you make sure everyone knows it.
- You don’t accept apologies – a real friend should know what you want instinctively, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
- You don’t have friends, siblings or a boyfriend – you call those people “loyal subjects”, and they call you “your highness”.

- Rachel Hills

Published in Girlfriend, February 2007.